I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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