I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
