Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
