In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
