do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Congratulations! We have a period
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
