At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
