Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
