...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
