She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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