two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
