Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
