well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
