Just fell off a train. Bad.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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