Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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