My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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