he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I deserve this hangover.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
