i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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