i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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