He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
