My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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