yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
