My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
