You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
