I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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