So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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