one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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