dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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