did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
