you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
