party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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