She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
