guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize