And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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