DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
