you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize