Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
