I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can I color on your dick again?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
