you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize