It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
