this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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