I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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