not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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