Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
