A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
