I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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