Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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