oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
