I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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