I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
