Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize