just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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