We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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