It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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