went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
