I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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