He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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