five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize