Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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