Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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