Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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