Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
