I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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