You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
