i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
