In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
