fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
