I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
