i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
