Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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